Give Me a Break

Today was almost unsettling-ly productive for me (and by that, I mean I went to the gym and got a couple of short assignments done), so I decided I'd really go out on a limb and write for my loyal followers. Or, well, follower. Am I entering over-achiever territory? Possibly. I don't know how I feel about that. I'll let you (you, one reader) know.

Spring Break officially came to an end this past Sunday night, and I was nowhere near ready for it. I had one of the most relaxing and un-productive breaks ever, and it was lovely. Anything to get off-campus, I'm there. I went with the family and my friend, Jessica, to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Jess and I drove separately from my mom, step-dad, two little sisters and one dog, while we took the other dog. Rooooad triiiiip!

Jessica is a great person to drive long distances with. Last summer, we took what should have been a 3 or 4 hour trip to Richmond, VA to see Gavin DeGraw. It took us 6 hours. In stop-and-go traffic pretty much the entire way. You'd think with my panic of realizing I had forgotten my ticket and our collective panic as to whether we'd make it to the show on time, it was a miserable trip. However, it was a very fun bonding experience. We sang along to our staple CDs the whole way there. And we made it with an hour to spare, sitting down to a nice dinner beforehand. The venue so kindly looked me up and printed out another ticket, free of charge.

This road trip was similarly great. Our backs hurt a little more by the end of it, but the iPods lasted the whole way. And, after a scary near-collision on the highway (not my fault), we thought how comically tragic it would've been to die listening to Fools & Horses' "Wide-Eyed Wonder" ("It's a wide-eyed wonder why, oh why, you didn't die...") without anyone ever knowing. The drive really made me realize, though, that I love being on the road. Whether it's with someone else or just me, I love driving. Most importantly, with an endless supply of music. It's good therapy and the best way to keep your mind off of anything.

As for the OBX vacation itself-- well, it was just what I needed: time away from school and human beings in general. (It really felt like we were the only ones there.) There was some rain, and Jess became germ-infestedly sick at one point, but both the sky and Jess' throat cleared up, and by the last day, we got a beautiful day on the beach and pedicures to boot. Ha! Pun intended.

Luckily, coming back to school wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm ready to start planning my summer by looking for jobs and internships, registering for classes, finding cheap furniture for my soon-to-be apartment, and maybe even squeezing in another short vacation. I think I'll wear one of the summer dresses I bought in N.C. to get in the mindset, even if it's still 40 degrees out.

Currently Listening To: "Amie" - Damien Rice

Maddy rides up front.


Sisters torture Iris.

Jess gets tipsy off one drink.


I freeze.

Much better.

F.M.L.

Today, I spent more time than I'd like to admit on fmylife.com. In case you've never heard of it, "Fuck My Life" is a site with all user-submitted content about the hilarious, ironic, embarrassing and downright sad events that happen to people. These short entries are a nice reminder that everyone from your dry cleaning lady to your professor to the person peeing in the stall next to you all have those FML moments. Heck, I have several FML moments a day. Mine usually aren't funny or shocking in retrospect, though. FML.

I got to about the 31st page of FMLs before realizing I'd accomplished absolutely nothing. Here are a few of my favorites.


Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML


Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML


Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML


Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML


Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML


Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML


Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML


Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML


Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

A Little Put-Off

You know you’ve got a procrastinating problem when you put off doing something that was created with the intent of using it as a procrastination tool. Fail.

I’m talking about this here blog, of course. What “blogger” writes on Thursday and doesn’t post again until the following Wednesday? Six whole days? Now I’ll never get on Good Morning, America. Damn.

It’s not even that I haven’t had anything to write about. There were several points in the past almost-week where I had an Oprah “aha!” moment and thought of a potential topic. Instead, however, I decided to put this off (as well as a school assignment or two) and browse the Gavin DeGraw fan club message boards instead. (Side note: New Gavin album March 31st!)

What’s worse is that in posting this entry about basically nothing, I’m actually putting off writing a real post with actual content. Did you notice that? Probably not. Because no one reads this. So no one noticed. Oh, the lonely life of a blogger.

If you ARE reading this, you’re probably procrastinating, too. I do the same thing—after visiting and re-visiting all of my usual websites, I end up on some incredibly random site that’s really not that interesting but, well… it beats developing time management skills and getting work done ahead of time.

Since this post is coming to an end and you’re wondering what to do next, here’s a video, courtesy of about five people I know now, to watch over and over. Related videos are fun, too.

In Retrospect

Not long before the start of this blog, I was inspired to dig out some of my old, hand-written journals. Most of them, excluding the lock-and-key type diaries from the pre-complete sentences days, were composition books. The first one spans from grades fifth through eighth, most of its pages written with those once-popular milky pens, my handwriting changing throughout as I made constant efforts to "prettify" it. The very first page warns (spelling and grammar errors included):

If you dare open this notebook, boy you're asking for it! Even if you're a best friend, don't go any further! If you're a worst enimy or not a friend, I'll report you! I'm warning you, if I find you with this, or if I find out at all, you'll be sorry! I would reccomend you should shut this journal immediatly! Now! I'll find you! You better put this back in my backpack or desk now! I could be coming any minute and I'll kick your butt! Good-bye! Alright, I'm gonna catch you and don't say I didn't warn you! Don't come crying to me when you have a talk with the princapal or vice-princapal, go!

Clearly, I was scarred by the time not long before this was written that a classmate found and read my previous diary, and revealed my uber crush to the class, and, more importantly, to my crush. Oh, the memories. What's funnier, though, is that I went back a couple of years later and commented in the margins on the page, in all my milky pen-ness, writing things such as, "That is sooo retarded!" and "Wasn't I messed up?! LOL." At least I spelled "retarded" right. I think at one point within the diary, I actually explain to my future self what acronyms such as lol and ttyl mean. You know, in case I were to ever go senile.

Several pages later, I write an entry titled "Spying." In it, I'm creeping on kids in the class, describing their every move:

Amanda-- Getting all discusted over a weird-looking penut butter and jelly sandwitch
Brandon-- Also discuted

Amanda always has this stupid look on her face. Her nose crinkles up and her eyes squint tightly. It looks so idiotic! She also stuffs her bra.

Linda doesn't want to be Jocelyn's friend so she told her. Jocelyn begged her to be her friend so Linda said okay. Linda still doesn't like her.


You can't make this stuff up.

After I started this blog, I was inspired to find my old Xanga page and re-read all of those entries, too. These were even more painful (if not slightly more entertaining) to read, since they were written from middle school to parts of high school. I was at the peak of my Bon Jovi craze--for the record, I am still obssessed--when this online journal began, so there'd be the occasional post in which I'd talk about how depressed and miserable I was, worried there was nothing in life to look forward to, and end it with a seemingly ADD-induced "I LOVE BON JOVIIII!!!!!!!1" In later entries, I'd give (almost) every detail about how my then-boyfriend and I spent our one- and three- and five-month anniversaries and that we were so-ho-ho in love. I bet even my best friends didn't read that drivel.

It's always fun discussing your past selves with friends-- sharing stories about all the dramatic and awkward times, separating your current self from your past self, playfully poking fun at who you used to be. But if a younger version of me were standing right next to me, I think I'd be a little nicer. Maybe give myself a hug, then hand her/me a matching outfit.

As I was just finishing, the Corrs' "Breathless" came on my iTunes shuffle. My best friend and I tried out for the talent show in sixth grade to this song, braces and all. For the auditions, we brought in bean bag chairs, acting out a skit with telephones to our ears reciting lines like, "I think he LIKES me!" before bursting into song along with the Corrs. We didn't make the cut. We are still best friends, though. Guess we did something right.

Post partially inspired by author John Green's vlog about his old diary:

The Dreaded First Post

Well, here 'tis. My first blog post. Funny how you can spend hours--days?--trying to decide on the layout of a blog. The colors, fonts, "gadgets." (I really like the gadgets.) But as for the content? Not a whole lot of thought has gone into that part yet. (Can you tell? The title is, afterall, "Witty Title Here.") I've had ideas. I'd like to hope I have some interesting things to say, but I don't think I can be one of those bloggers who writes about one certain topic every day.

My first thought was to write about music. Music is a love of mine. My biggest. It seems like every other day, I find a band or song I've never heard before, but kind of like. And despite this and the fact that I visit music sites every day, attend concerts fairly regularly, and am what Fools & Horses (more on them later, I'm sure) call their intern, I don't think this blog would be very good if it was only about music. Maybe it won't be good either way.

Another thought was pop culture in general. Pop culture interests me, to an extent. I spend way too much time on YouTube, and was just on Failblog for about an hour. I indulge in a plethora, a MYRIAD, of pointless websites. But why only post things other people have already posted?

Maybe my blog could be about the trials and tribulations of a college student-- "Dweller of the Dorms." Innovative. I could write about how, in the middle of writing this blog, my suitemate/friend came to visit. In the five minutes she was here, I discovered a piece of a Cool Ranch Dorito in my bellybutton. I showed it to my suitemate. She told me not to eat it (this hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it), so I ate it. Soon afterwards, said suitemate left to poop in our shared toilet. Ah, dorm life.

Honestly, most blogs are probably completely irrelevant. I know there are lots of writers out there starting a blog hoping it'll maybe somehow capture the attention of tens, then hundreds, then thousands of followers, and then, before they know it, they're being interviewed on Good Morning America. Well, it doesn't get much better than that. But, I'm not one of those bloggers. I doubt I'll get more than ten followers, like... ever. Luckily, this is mostly for my own enjoyment. My creative release, if you will.

So, I think I'll write about all of these things and more. Post the occasional link, photo, video, whatever I find important or stupidly funny. And when I'm feeling self-indulgent, I'll write about myself, damnit. 'Cause I can.